Medical Dillemmas

So, I need to figure out what to do about my doctor visit I need to schedule. I know you don't really want to hear about my medical stuff, but too bad, because I'm going to type it anyway.

I really, really don't like the doctor office I go to. I use to love the doctor I had. He was awesome. He was our family doctor, so everytime any of us went, he was always asking about the others, and sometimes would just do a 2 for 1 right then and there. That's how I got my moles removed- during one of my son's routine vaccination visits. We talked about BBQ. It was awesome.

But, he has moved over to the hospital now. The doctors they have at the clinic now make me uneasy. My last visit, I met my new doctor there for the first time. I got in early, and meticulously filled out the "first-timer" form (mind you, same office, just new doc). I took my time with this form, because there were many issues I needed to bring to light with her. Things like:

Q: When was your last period?
A: I don't know, about 8 or 9 months ago?

Q: What, if any, kind of birth control do you currently use?
A: None
Q: Do you want to change?
A: YES!!

And then various medical questions to do with headaches, depression, heart issues, etc etc etc all with answers that would lead you to believe they shall be discussed.

So, she comes in, gives me a pap smear that lasts for maybe not even a minute, and is out the door. I had to physically stop her to even ask about birth control. She wanted to refer me to someone for something that I can't even remember. She said she was leaving to write up the referral, and she'd be right back. A few moments later, the nurse came back with my birth control prescription and said I was good to go.

Uh, what??? Not even a shrug at the no period for 8 months thing? Nadda. Nothing. She never even read my paperwork. I never got that referral either.

The other doctors there I can't understand. They are from other ethnic origions. Don't get me wrong. In no way am I racist. They make some pretty awesome docs. I'm just absolutely horrible with accents. I cannot understand them. And it makes me feel bad to have them repeat over and over and over again that they now want me to raise my other arm. I really don't want to discuss in depth stuff, ya know?

Okay, which brings me to my dilemma. I had no insurance when I went to this office. So, I get sliding scale rates, which also involve any prescriptions this clinic's doctors prescribe. This brings my $150 birth control bill down to around an average of $30.

As many of you know, I recently got insurance through my work. What I misunderstood was that I have to pay for it. What I thought I'd be getting at no charge actually costs me $250 a month. I will have to drop the insurance, as I just can't afford that. (Luckily, I do get the vision, dental and life insurance no charge, which is where the misunderstanding came to play.) But, I figured since I have been paying for it anyway, that I should utilize it and get myself a doctor whose actually worth something, have him/her check everything out and make sure there's nothing serious going on, and get in somewhere for when I have to drop insurance again, I'll already be established.

However, that makes epic fail on the prescription front.

Thus- the dilemma.

Do I say screw it and go find a doctor who gives a crap about his/her patients and actually reads the charts, and be willing to pay full price for any prescriptions I may need? Or do I make due and save the money? Maybe see about being able to understand one of the others?

Gah.

This sucks.

Rainy Days

It's raining outside. Not that that's anything new, being I live in the Pacific Northwest. However, it's really raining outside! I can hear it battering against the windows, trying to barge it's way in. It's just about made it through the ceiling in parts. Let me tell ya, that's not good in any building, but particularly not good in a library. At our staff meeting the other day, we were informed of various leaks around the building. The only solution available to us for the time being: set out buckets. Well, if the power goes out, we have water! They say rain water is the best to wash your hair with.

The lesson to learn from this, those of you reading. VOTE FOR THE LIBRARY LEVY! Whenever they are able to justify putting it back up for option on your election card.

Today is one of those days that make me just want to heat up a pot of tea, curl up in a nice, cozy chair by the window, in front of a nice, warm fireplace, and read a good book or three. The sound of the rain falling, the wind blowing everything down, the tree limbs scrapping the side of the house.... it's all so soothing. I can see in my mind, the lamplight flickering. I have the candles and matches there waiting, just in case the power finally gives up. The teapot of water hangs above the fire, keeping toasty.

Unfortunately, I'm not at home. Home does not have a fireplace, or a woodstove. When the power goes out, it's cold. I have tons of blankets for this reason. There is no fireplace here at work either. Oh, wouldn't that be lovely! A safety issue, as well, I would imagine.


But, I had a bagful of holds come in today, so I'll be set with stuff to do tonight, should the power fail. I'll be wrapped in tons of blankets, and won't have any way to keep my tea warm, but at least I'll have something to occupy myself with! That, and my cupboard full of board games!

Scary Therapy

I feel like I need to write. I feel like my head is going to explode. There is too much crap in there boiling and threatening to burst out of my skull like a volcano, spewing it's contents everywhere, regardless of what anyone else thinks.

Part of my new wellness challenge is to keep track of my mental well-being. It wants me to delve into any stresses I may have, and bring them forth and battle them. I think this is a horrible idea. I have too much stuff in there. I try very hard not to look behind those doors I've closed, locked and barred. My brain is too messed up. Those prisoners are there because I don't want to have to look at them. I don't want to have to face them and hear what they have to say. I don't want to have to admit that they are a part of me.

And with my current state of madness, I feel like I will surely just crumble. I am not strong enough to deal with this. I'm not a strong enough person to know the things I know, and to keep thinking that everything is fine and dandy. I'm also don't want to lose what I've worked so hard to gain. But there are things inside of me that scream and shake and beat on the walls. They make me hear them. They make me know they are there. I don't know how to handle this.

I think some of my headache problems have stemmed from this. From just locking things away and not wanting to deal with them. They push forward, with physical effects on my body.

With my insurance came another perk that allows mental support and health. I have been seriously thinking of finding a therapist to see about helping me with some of this stuff. But that is scary.

Quest to Living Well

I finally got my insurance cards. I looked up some local providers, and plan to make an appointment with a doctor this afternoon. In my haste to find a doctor, I just realized I forgot to look up optometrists and dentists. Oh well.

However, in signing up with the insurance through my workplace, I was able to sign up with a service called "Living Well". It offers incentives for making and maintaining healthy choices. Since I've been trying to do so on my own anyway, I figured this would be a great opportunity for me to get some extra motivation going.

So, I did their assessment test. I actually got a good "score". Better than I thought I would get. I set up a food journal, so I can start keeping track of what I eat and when. It came at a good time, too, as I just got a cookbook containing 200 recipes, all containing less than 200 calories! I figure keeping track of what I eat, and having to actually look at it, might help me to start making better decisions regarding what I put into my body.

I had also just a couple days ago decided to drink more water. I came up with a system for while I'm at work. I am to drink a full 16 ounce bottle of water between each of my breaks. That is about 2 to 2&1/2 hours time. It's going pretty well so far, and ensures that I drink at a minimum, 3 bottles a day. Plus, I have a huge water bottle sitting on my desk at home, that I drink off of all day. The good side of that is not only do I drink more water, but it gets my kids to drink more water as well. The bad side is that my kids drink all my water, so when I go to drink it, it's gone! However, that makes me have to get up and fill it up, so I'll just count that towards keeping active :)

The one area I'm failing miserably in is exercise. I really want to join that Pilate's class. Even moreso- I want a treadmill. I have no idea where I would put it, but I would use that baby. I know I would, which makes me not having it even worse. I have grand ideas of taking a walk every evening... the waning sunlight strewn through our tree laden drive. Yeah right. It's dark by the time I get home now, and the last thing I want to do is go for a walk in the cold. (If you didn't already know, I'm a huge wuss when it comes to cold.) But I need to get active somehow. I need to find something to spark and hold my attention long enough to keep me going. I am one of those people who needs others around to motivate me to keep moving. Others who are also moving, not just cracking a whip while they point and laugh.

So, this is my quest to get healthier, and stay healthier. I need to bunker down and go through those cookbooks and gather ingredients. I need to stop focusing on the cost of the foods, and focus on the cost those high fat "cheap" ones are charging our bodies. I need to pull myself out of my chair and do something. Get creative, get active, get mind-challenged.

Brain Sweaters

I was in the shower this morning, looking at my brain (shut up), and I discovered that it reminded me of a sweater.

You know the type. Warm and cozy. The perfect fit- the one you wear EVERYWHERE! But as time goes on, that sweater takes a lot of beating. It gets caught on something here, something spills on it there. And eventually, the sweater starts to unravel. Bit by bit, little by little, the frayed areas widen and spread. The stains soak through to the inside and harden.

And then one day you pick up that sweater and wonder what the hell happened to it?! You sit down on the edge of your bed and hold it, examining all those holes and fraying edges and stains and wonder if it's repairable. This isn't going to be an easy fix. It's not like you can just throw it in the washer and drier and call it good. No, this is going to take much more introspect and contemplation. This is going to be a challenge!

So you smooth the sweater tenderly on the table, and pick up your trusty needle and thread, maybe a bowl of water and a washcloth to try and clean up the stains. You hold your breath as you make that first stitch, hoping the whole thing doesn't fall apart in your hands, or that you wind up making it worse than it was in the first place.

Or maybe I can just turn it into some mittens or a pillow or something.

Yeah... that's what was going through my head this morning while in the shower.

Shut up.

Coffee Depravation

I've had to stop drinking coffee. While I've been thinking about doing this for awhile for health reasons, since I use so much cream and sugar, the actual having to do it part is bumming me out. But, it is making me too sick to keep trying. It upsets my stomach to the point where I gag while drinking it. The smell is nauseating. The heartburn that comes with it is awful.

But man, I sure do miss my morning ritual of waking up to a pot of coffee, sitting here at the computer and doing my morning email / blog reads, while sipping on that hot Cup 'o Joe. It was a nice, quiet way to start the day. And with the weather turning cold in the mornings now, I am especially missing it.

It's not just coffee that hurts my tummy. Everything I drink has been. Even water. That one is probably more tough for me than coffee. Mostly because I force myself to drink it anyway. Especially at work. Heartburn and all. Yes, even water gives me heartburn to drink.

Which, if it wasn't for the overwhelming nausea coffee gave me, I'd just suck it up and drink the coffee. Water upsets my stomach, but not nearly to that degree.

Soda is out of the question. About the only thing I've noticed that doesn't seem to have an affect is iced tea. So, I'm also thinking I'm going to have to look into hot tea or hot chocolate as my coffee alternative. See how those hot morning cups work out for me and my tummy.

I've been told I should go get my gall bladder looked at. An old friend of mine showed up at the library yesterday, and was telling me about how she had to go get her gall bladder removed soon. She began describing her symptoms from the beginning, and I had to groan, because it was exactly the same thing I've been going through for the past couple weeks. Apparently it gets pretty dang bad. Well, I have to wait until my insurance stuff arrives, and I'm still patiently waiting for that welcome packet. Maybe I need to stop being patient.

She did say she lost 15 pounds in one week though. That's something to be excited about. No pain, no gain right. Or in this case, loss.

Anyway. I should start focusing my mornings on writing. There is just so much distraction around me to write. It's hard, it's frustrating, and I'm lazy. That's just all there is to it. The opportune time for me to write around here is probably the least opportune time for my brain. I don't understand all these writers that talk about waking up and writing for a couple hours right off the bat. It takes my brain that long just to process it's awake. Maybe that's the key though- writing while still part-way in that dream state.

I could wind up with some rather interesting tales.

I need a laptop.

I need a dang cup of coffee!

Zoos, Pirates, and School

The kids started school last week. Did I blog about that already? My brain is frazzled and I don't remember. In any event, it went okay, despite my absolute screw-up regarding all facets of the busses. *Sigh* It's better now, I think. Both kids enjoyed thier first week, even though I am not enjoying having to get up at 6am to facilitate thier morning routine. But, it gives me time to facilitate my exercising, which I have been building into my morning routine. It isn't nice, and I really hate myself for it. But, I'm hoping that with time I'll love myself for it. We'll see.

In celebration, we took the kids to the Woodland Park Zoo this past Saturday. It was an okay trip. It started early, and rocky, but we made it through. I spent the day feeling pretty 3rd-wheelish, but overall I think the kids had a good time. It may have run a bit long for them, but it's a learning experience for us next time. As in- next time, PLAN. It's too big to just wander at random. You really need to have a route plotted. But it's a great zoo. We got season passes, so we can try again another time.
Sunday continued Pirate Days in Port Orchard. Well, I guess it's technically known as "Murder Mystery Weekend", but really- we're all there for the pirates. While we missed the big fun stuff that happened on Saturday (while we were at the zoo), we came down Sunday and got to see the children's costume contest, as well as the pet costume contest. It was really quite cute, and I completely agreed with the judge's choices. There were some pretty fantastic costumes. Judging by the attire worn by the adult party-goers, I am rather disappointed that I missed the adult contest. While we were there though, we got a program for an event in Oregon this coming weekend, which we just might go to after I get off work Saturday.

So, another week has started, and is now about half-over for me, which I am thankful for. I enjoy my job, but I need to readjust to this morning wakeup stuff. I'm still trying to track down what time my son's bus arrives in the morning, but other than that things seem to be going smoothly. Tonight is his open house, so I'm planning on stopping by the office and seeing if I can get time verifications while I'm there.

September is Childhood Cancer Awarness Month!

Taken from - CureSearch National Childhood Cancer Foundation


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The Impact of Childhood Cancer

• Cancer is the #1 cause of death by disease in children, cutting short the lives of more children under the age of 20 than any other disease.
• 1 child out of 5 who is diagnosed with cancer dies.
　
• 3 out of 5 children suffer from long-term side effects.
　
• Every school day, 46 young people, or two classrooms of students, are diagnosed with cancer in this country. More than 12,500 children are diagnosed with cancer each year and over 40,000 children and adolescents currently are being treated for childhood cancers.
　
• The average age of a child diagnosed with cancer is six years old; saving the life of a child with cancer gives our children a future; approximately, 66 years of life’s milestones and dreams to celebrate.


Only Research Cures Childhood Cancer

• Each day that cooperative group pediatric cancer research goes under funded the road to discovering new treatments and cures become longer, putting more children at risk.
　
• For the first time since its founding, the decrease in funding to the Children’s Oncology Group moves research to a dangerous level where studies and accompanying laboratory research that hold promise will not take place.
　
• Reduce Enrollment in Clinical Trials: The COG reduced enrollment in our clinical trials by 400 patients in 2007 and put about 20 new studies on hold indefinitely related to resources available to fund them.
　
• At a time when breakthroughs can be made in treating all childhood cancer and the quality of life for children with cancer improved, the continued decline in government funding will endanger the development of new clinical trials and threaten progress in curing childhood cancer.


About CureSearch

• Through public education, advocacy and fundraising, CureSearch National Childhood Cancer Foundation supports the work of the Children’s Oncology Group (COG), the world’s largest cooperative cancer research organization that treats more than 90% of all children with cancer.
　
• The Children’s Oncology Group (COG) unites the best of the academic and clinical research worlds to move the most promising treatments from the lab into clinical trials. This association of more than 5,000 dedicated experts in childhood cancer research and treatment are located at more than 235 leading Children’s Hospitals, the finest University Hospitals and Cancer Centers in the United States. By working together, cure rates are improved at a much faster pace than any one individual or single institution could accomplish alone.
　
• The COG sets the standard of care and allows children with cancer to be treated close to home.
　
• A high level of participation in clinical trials, combined with the quick sharing of information through the Children’s Oncology Group has led to phenomenal improvements in childhood cancer survival rates.
　
• Fifty years ago, a diagnosis of childhood cancer was once a death sentence. Today, as a result of the research of the COG, the cure rate is 78% overall. However, still too many children continue to die.
　
• Together, CureSearch National Childhood Cancer Foundation and the Children’s Oncology Group are committed to conquering childhood cancer through scientific discovery and compassionate care – until we reach the day when every child with cancer is cured and cancer can be prevented.
Each Child Deserves a Chance to Live a Whole Life: We Can Reach the Day When Every Child with Cancer is Guaranteed a Cure!
• The story of childhood cancer is simple—we are within reach of a cure. Medical research tells us that with proper funding levels – we can conquer childhood cancer.
　
• CureSearch is striving to give each child diagnosed with a cancer a whole lifetime of dreams and milestones to celebrate. The death of one more child to cancer is one too many.


For additional information, please visit: www.curesearch.org or email us at info@curesearch.org.

I Get By With A Little Help...

( I stole this post from my thaydra.com site, so if you've already read it, my apologies. No wait, no I don't- because I HAVEN'T GOTTEN A PICTURE FROM YOU! Brat. =P )

So... this whole "wordy writing" thing isn't working out all that well for me. I just seem to feel too cramped in my creativity. Well, more cramped than I wanted to be. I think the idea is good, and I will probably continue to work on them a bit. But it's not what I'm going for.

My proposal to you, those of you who read this, is this: I enjoyed receiving a picture- no caption, no background on it- and creating a story to go along with it. I would like you guys to send me a photo you think would make an interesting story. I prefer not to know anything about the photo. Any photo. Your photo. A photo you find on the Internet. Where ever. Just- no porn crap, please.

You can email them to me at thaydra@hotmail.com . Put "Photo Writing" in the subject line so I know what it is.

Thanks!